Breaking it off after the first date

Sometimes, no matter how awesome the person that you meet online is, you’ll find that there’s no attraction to them once you meet for that all-important first date.

It’s a sad fact, but if you can’t imagine tearing their clothes off within the first few hours, you’re probably not going to in the next couple of hours either – unless there’s a lot of rum involved. It might be that your date was rude, or did something that justifies a good ghosting, but if you generally enjoyed hanging out with them but that spark just wasn’t there, how do you break it off, without breaking their heart?


Do the decent thing

The thing you want to avoid when telling someone you don’t want to see them again is being a dick. Running out on a date because your aunt’s cousin’s dog just got a chronic bout of diarrhea will be as obvious as shouting ‘you disgust me’ into your date’s face.

Unless there’s a real reason why you shouldn’t continue the evening – for example, they list each country they’ve visited by size (yes, this has happened before) – there’s no point running off early. Try to relax and enjoy the rest of the evening – if you don’t want to date the person you’re with, then maybe you can get a new friend out of the experience?

At the end of the night, if you’re still not feeling it, then make sure, to be honest with your date. If they lean in for a kiss don’t just jump out into oncoming traffic, instead, mention that you’re not feeling it and offer a quick hug/handshake/awkward jazz hand instead.

Sure, they might feel a bit embarrassed for an hour or so but it’s far, far better than doing a bit of the old tongue tango and giving your date false hope. Especially if they’ve got terrible breath.


A friendly message

If you’re maybe a bit shy and not into giving bad news face-to-face – and let’s face it, a lot of us aren’t – then a quick text message after the date, telling the other person how much fun you had but that there wasn’t any chemistry for you is quick, kind and far less awkward than saying something at the end of the night.

Add that you’d either love to stay friends or that you wish them well for the future. It doesn’t have to be any more than that. Hopefully, they will get the hint straightaway and you can both return to the business of finding your perfect matches.


Casper your friendly ghost

If your date is a creep or has done something worthy, like kill a cat, there’s always the option of ghosting. For those that don’t know, ghosting is cutting off all contact with your date and essentially vanishing, like a ghost. I wouldn’t ever opt for this when breaking it off after a first date, unless in extreme circumstances but hey, it’s your life.

If you have the balls to ghost without any guilt then it’s an option. If you opt for this, frankly brutal tactic, then don’t reply to any of their messages ever again. Delete their number, take yourself off any social media you’re connected on and if you see them in the street, hide. It’s a lot harder work than just being honest but they will most definitely get the hint.

Whichever way you decide to tell your date they’re not the one for you, remember that one bad date isn’t indicative of all future dates. You’ll find that good one, and who knows it might even be your next date…


Post by Penny Carr

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All the information and advice on is subject to personal tastes or experiences.
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